The #1 Question Leaders Ask in 1-on-1s (And Why It’s Quietly Killing Their Teams)

Yesterday I stood in front of about 200 business leaders in the UK and asked two questions:

1. How many of you have ever given a 1-on-1 with a team member? (about 190 people raised their hand)
2. How many of you were ever trained on how to give an effective 1-on-1? (3 people in the room raised their hand.)

An uncomfortable silence followed.

Effective 1-on-1s (if you’ve ever been a part of one you know this) change lives.

They change companies too.

Sometimes for better. Sometimes for worse.

What’s sad, though, is the only time most leaders have ever “practiced” giving a 1-on-1 was when they were actually giving a 1-on-1.

I’m sure you see the problem.

Over the last year, with permission from our clients at Question First Group, we’ve been recording some of the 1-on-1s leaders are having and we’ve seen some very clear patterns of what makes a good, versus a very bad, 1-on-1.

Simply put, the top five bad habits are as follows:

1. Leaders talk too much (generally, this runs about 70%)
2. The meeting is used as a “status update” session (instead of a true coaching session)
3. The questions are often too vague or surface level. (For example, “How is everything going?” is the number 1 question asked overall.)
4. The leader solves the problem(s) instead of helping the team member solve their problem. (Most leaders fall under “The Instructor” communication type, which ultimately robs the team member of self-discovery and growth.)
5. The team member doesn’t feel safe being honest. (Biggest reason is leaders don’t know how to invite, and then maintain, that type of psychological safety to the meeting.)

We’ve also discovered a high percentage of leaders and team members alike have a disdain for giving and receiving 1-on-1s.

Once again, no surprise — we get what we put in.

But there is hope.

Generally speaking, if you mix a heavy dose of self-awareness plus some basic training and guidance, a leader’s ability to give an effective 1-on-1 can improve dramatically.

So here’s what I’d challenge you to do this week:

Record one of your 1-on-1s. (With permission, obviously.)

Then listen back.

Count how often you talked versus how often they did.

Count the questions you asked versus the answers you gave.

When it came to solving problems, were you the hero or were they?

And when all of this is done, then ask yourself one simple thing: Would I want to be on the other side of that meeting?

Upon asking this question to our clients at Question First Group, 80% have come to the honest conclusion: “No”

Yet, it’s in that moment of realizing this hard truth that everything begins to change for the better.

For the leader.

For the team member.

And for the entire organization.

– Marcus

Quick Thoughts (Stuff I’m Paying Attention To)

Who’s getting cut from these big tech companies? Middle management. The direction is flatter companies. Full stop.

I read an incredible article in HBR this week about a leader name “Anna” who was getting a lot of flack from her team about moving too quickly. Here’s the part of the article that struck me most:

“Anna took the feedback seriously, she adjusted her approach, but nothing changed. That is when I was brought in. A few stakeholder interviews later, something became clear: Her decisiveness wasn’t the problem. Her company had normalized over-consensus. Speed wasn’t valued; it was treated as recklessness, and urgency as inflexibility. Her decisiveness didn’t create friction. It exposed it.”

https://hbr.org/2026/05/why-effective-leaders-get-branded-as-problems

51% of B2B software buyers now start in an AI chatbot, not a search engine.

Think this number is going anywhere but up?

Legacy Google Search is NOT your future my friends.

https://reechee.io/blog/state-of-b2b-software-buying

Did you know weekly-coached reps hit quota at 76% while quarterly-coached reps at 47%?

No surprise there, but now here’s the said part: Less than 10% of all reps receive weekly sales coaching.

https://www.mysalescoach.com/blog/sales-coaching-statistics-2026

PS: Most leaders were never trained how to lead effective 1-on-1s. We wrote a free book to help fix that. Download it here. You can download it here.